I love you Daddy, you will be missed. RIP!

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."- Eskimo Proverb

This is that kind of blog, that kind where you never know exactly what to say or how to put things...and I'm a the kind of person who is never unable to use my words to convey what I'm feeling..so hopefully this isn't the most horrible peace of writing ever and I know you'll forgive me..but I guess I shouldn't worry about what you guys think of it...

I asked my mom if I could write the obituary, but I have no idea how to start or how long it should be or anything. I feel like, somehow this is my way of saying goodbye to him. I love to write, so I am hoping that it will make him proud of me..or that somehow it will lessen the grief I feel. I just know that it will make me feel so much better if I get everything that I'm feeling off my chest. I loved him very much, even though we argued like crazy..I still loved him..and I know he loved me. I want him to know how much..and now I'll never get the chance to tell him...I know he knew..but I look back and I want to take so much back and I can't. I hate that feeling, where you can't change something no matter how hard you try...the only thing we can do is pray for him to rest peacefully and for us to have the strength to live our lives without him. I know he's never fully gone..and that this isn't the end..but that doesn't stop me from missing him. Gosh..I just want everyone to promise me that they will never go to sleep angry with anyone and that they will tell people that they love, I love you as often as possible. Everytime you say goodbye make sure they know how much you love them.

I'm just not really the same person I was in the past. I'll never, ever, be the person that I was...because part of me is gone. I have so many memories with my Dad..my loving Daddy...like, when I got my heart broken, for the first time..I was, seriously like 16..and I cried to him..and he just held me..and told me that I needed some chocolate ice cream and chick flicks...or something to that effect. I'll miss that kind of humor..and I'll never forget the times he held me when I was sick..or all the times he'd wake us up really early and take us garage saling. I'll miss those times, forever, but I can't bring them back..and I'm so happy that I have them..because somehow that makes his passing more of a bitter sweet then a bitter memory.

You know that cliche..where they say that laughter is the cure to grief...and it's so true..I am so grateful for my family..and for my chosen family..Travis and all of my friends who have stood by me. A lot of people really surprised me..and I'm am just so grateful for all the support I have recieved. You have no idea how much just being there has helped me..how all the prayers..are helping...just keep praying and doing whatever you feel you need to. Travis...tried so hard the whole time he was here to make me and my family laugh..and he helped us so much.

I think I'm going to try and go back to school soon, I might miss some days next week..so I'll probably be at school on Thursday.....not that I'll be functioning. I just don't really want to keep explaining it to people..so if you see me..please don't ask. You can hug me..but I don't want to have to explain..because everytime I do..I have to relive this morning..over and over...and I can't do that...it hurts so much...

Anyway..this was long-winded..but I hope that it made you think and remember your loved ones. The quote at the beginning was something my sister's friend left on her facebook, that I absolutely adore. I guess there is a new star in the Heavens tonight. I know he's looking down and sending his love..I just really want a hug.

I love all of you.
-Becky

Two months is a long time!!!

Wow! I should post more, but here's an update..for all of you have been going crazy...not talking to me..or reading from me. Well, this is my update, sorry if it's a little long..and boring!

So, I'll start with school or schooling...first. I got into Sterling College in Sterling, KS. Woo...but I've realized just how much debt I would have to incur and just how scary it is to go into debt..especially in a spiraling economy. I mean, they awarded me a $9,000 dollar scholarship, per year, but....that still leaves me with $13, 500 to figure out, of course, this excludes my FAFSA..but I don't know how much I'm going to get for that...so..I can't really bank on a lot of money. So I will be in debt..my debate coach says that it's better to try a community college, out-of-state, because I could get a full-ride and be picked up on the college radar for debate. It's like a blow to my pride to hear that...and it's hard to think of that. It's a back up plan. It's not ACC, it's Hutchinson CC in Kansas.....and like..they have housing...and I can be picked up that way..I don't know..we'll see. I guess I have a lot of praying to do.

Now, on to...Senior Year! It's been crazy and insane! Like I keep thinking I hope I don't get burned-out from all the work...like..working and going to school..but I don't think I will..I mean, people do it all the time...and plus, I am having some fun. I can't wait for graduation..but I'm nervous...still.

It's Christmas-Time!!! =] We're "putting up the tree" So I got to go..and help clean up..some. We just had to clean a part of the garage. :)

-Becky

Pray for Kayla...

All the people that read this probably have never met her, but please pray for her anyway.
Kayla, had a recent kidney transplant, well her body rejected the kidney..please pray for her.

And please pray for her family as well, Kayla is Travis's brother...
right now they just left for Louisville where Kayla is in the hospital...
Travis, his mom, Nicole, and their Aunt are all on their way down there right now.
Pray that it will be a safe trip...and for Kayla's recovery.

Thank you guys so much..
-Becky

Senior Year...Beginnings.

It's been too long since I've last blogged. (lol) Well, just to recap my first week..I hated it. The school, won't count my ACC credit so I plan to test out of PE or take it online. I'm not getting German..but I do have a class with Travis now..so that's a plus. I think out of the whole day, my favorite class is Anatomy and Physiology. I hate science, but the teacher is so nice and she's absolutely hilarious. Plus, I actually talk to people in that class. I am hating my English class, which is nothing new..but like..the teacher is so CONDESCENDING! I'm not even kidding. She treats us like little kids...we have to turn in vocabulary words..and she's requiring that we read 150 words or more per six weeks. I do it anyway, but she is making us write essays on it. It's an AP class..and she's REQUIRING notebook checks. She's is giving handouts and not notes..and she's acting like I have no idea how to pass a test. It's frustrating. It's just the way she says things. I can't explain it. 'I don't expect many of you guys to pass', 'I have never had less then 70% of my students pass, but I don't expect that from y'all'. Ugh..I can't stand it. Like, because we attend Del Valle High School..none of us are intelligent at all. I always have problems with my English teachers, but she's just like...juvenile. I'm an auditory learner, handouts DON'T help me. I'm so frustrated with the class. I actually miss Mrs. McCombs...and that's really hard for me to admit. We have to get all the books we read approved by her--who are you to tell me what to read? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I am just so frustrated. There are a few students who know what we're doing and we're all so disgusted with what she's saying. I don't like her..and I don't like how she treats her students. I ask a question and she totally ignores me. I answer her questions and she stops letting me answer. She thinks we're all idiots, but I don't think an idiot could score a 3 on last year's test. I understand this test is over literature, but don't tell me I'm an idiot..without thinking twice! Ugh. I suck at multiple choice, but I can write. Give me an essay already..and I'll prove you wrong!

Anyways, my other favorite class is Tech Theatre. I'm not loud and don't do drama well, so I opted for my fine arts credit to be Technical Theatre. This class has been so fun..so far. I really am looking forward to it. It's easy..and the teacher is great. =] I have a PE class, and what kind of PE class makes you walk around a gym for half an hour? They won't count my credit..but they'll make me walk around a Gym. I'm hating it because these little freshman, i mean sophomores, are so vulgar and disgusting. They keep making nasty comments about how they want to ________ random girls. I told them one day..to just stop because girls aren't attracted to little boys who do nothing but talk. They make fun of people all the time..I always tell them to stop. I tried ignoring it..but it's hard when they sit next to you during stretches..it's uncomfortable. I just tell them to stop when they start being stupid. For the most part, they have stopped, I know i totally sounded like a teacher or something..but I really don't care. It scared them..the rest of the class thinks they are immature..so it makes me laugh. What's with high school students standing up for what's right when they realize it's not cool to be an idiot? They all laughed at these boys..but as soon as I tell them it's not funny and that they need to stop..suddenly they agree and stop laughing? I guess I just made them realize that they can have fun and be mature about it.

So, I'm hoping this year gets better. It's already looking better. I'm kind of sad because I can't wear skirts to school because of PE. We don't get to dress out. I think I'm going to anyway and I'll change at lunch..and walk around in b-ball shorts the rest of the day. lol.

-Becky

Tomorrow? A senior?

Okay, so summer being over is making me a little crazy. I need to do laundry..and get whatever it is I need for High School, into my backpack tonight. Tomorrow morning, really isn't going to be much fun, because I'm going to be in the counselor's office, because they keep screwing up my transcript. I've been down there so many times about this, until they finally said the counselors weren't seeing students..what the heck? It's their JOB. They will see me, because my Dad is going with me. Being 17, it's really odd to be like..yeah..my parents are taking care of it, but they really won't listen to me..and they push me around. It got old...my Dad gets what he wants..because he's the adult. (crazy, huh?) I mean, they get mad when students bring down their parents, but if the school doesn't listen, then what else are we supposed to do..? lol.

This year is going to be weird, last week, when the counselors wouldn't see us, we made friends (me and Travis) with Ms. Longoria, the hall monitor...and made sure all the others were on friendly terms with a bunch of the APs. I learned last year, that this makes life a whole lot easier..at least at Del Valle, because they trust you more. Not that I'm going to do something outrageously bad, but you can walk around without people screaming at you..and that makes life so much easier.

A friend, I've been going to school with for a long time, graduated this summer, actually two of them, and it's going to be weird to not see them or hang out with them. Yesterday, we went to one of the graduates baby showers, (that's why she graduated) and it was a lot of fun just to hang out with her again for a little while...afterwards we went to the mall..and looked around in baby stores..why is everything so expensive? She was telling us about how her and her boyfriend, could barely afford the doctor bills..and I felt kind of bad...it really forces you to grow up. Thank goodness her mom is as supportive as humanly possible, without taking away personal responsibility. She is letting them live with her for free..and is helping out some with buying baby stuff. I'm going to spend some money from each of my paychecks to help out to, because I know that they are both trying their best to make things work..and they need some help. I'm going to call her when I get paid again....and ask what else she needs for the baby. I thought it was weird how she invited friends, but only people who at the end of the year, showed her some kind of support. So many people were just so mean about the pregnancy..it's not like it's something you can take back. I'm also really grateful that I don't have to go through something like this....because of the things that I've been taught.

Anyways, i don't know what to expect out of this year..but I'll post again tomorrow..so that I can tell you how my scheduling/transcript problems are going down.

Oh, I'ma try and test out of certain classes. lol. =] It's going to cost me $60..so I don't know when/how I'm going to afford it.

Thank you, Sister Simonsen for the nomination for the tag. Not really sure what I'm supposed to do since I didn't win. lol. But, I'm going to place a link to her page. =]
-Becky

Another Summer Blog!

Sadly, I think this is going to be the last blog until school starts!! I'm really excited for it to start again, I miss the brain stimulation! I'm not looking forward to many of my classes because they put me in classes i didn't want or ask for, but I'm going to keep my schedule how it is, because, I don't want to argue with them anymore! I have so many "sleep" classes, I hope I'm able to get some sleeping in! (I know teachers hate it..) I'm a senior; finally. I was really sad to hear that some of my favorite staff members left! Mr. Van Geem, the german teacher is teaching at Lehman now, we get a new one..i don't know if I'm going to like him or not. And Mr. Conrardy left, he is/was he AP coordinator. I was shocked...and disappointed because he's ugh, i don't know...really good at his job. So this year is going to be so much different then all my other years, because I'm not used to not having teachers that I like! Of course, the main ones are still there, so I'm not going to worry just yet!!

So, for the remainder of my summer, I'm pretty sure I'll be working! I'm not sure if I like it, I've been on drive-thru a lot lately, and I'm really tired of it already. lol. Today, I was on register and it's so much SLOWER then drive-thru. I like the challenge of drive-thru..I just don't feel like I'm very good at it. LOL! Everyone is really cool, I'm just being super shy, which is both odd and not for me. I'm shy, but only around people I don't know, minus church people, for the most part!

Savior of the World was amazing..I feel like we really made a difference in peoples lives. I can't wait for the DVD's so I can find out how we all looked! I really hope that I get to share it with people that I know. I'm also really excited, because Travis decided he wanted to learn more about the gospel, he said he probably wasn't going to be baptized, but that he's interested..and that's always where it all starts. I just needa find somewhere to have to teach..because my house and his house are not working out very well.

That's pretty much all, lol.
-Becky!

Finally, a summer to remember?

So, I finally got a job! Woot...I'm working at the Culvers on William Cannon. I'm really excited to start...I start on Monday at 6 pm. =]. I'm supposed to have Khaki's, so I went and bought some, they provide shorts, but I didn't want to wear shorts. I have 1 pair of Capri's and two pairs of pants. I don't like them, because they are kind of old. lol. I couldn't find any good ones at Target for a decent price, plus I'm going to work in them, so the more conservative the better? lol.

I've been shopping a lot lately, I guess that's just a summer thing for me, but I've been pretty frugal about it..so thats a definite plus. I go to Ross, a lot. haha. I found jeans for ten dollars! I bought one pair and then went back the next day with my mom and bought 2 more. I bought one pair of skinny's, one pair of straight legged, and one pair of wide legged. =] My sister is at my grandparents house, so she is getting a lot of stuff, lol. I also bought three new shirts, one with yellow and white stripes, one navy blue, and one black with white ghost-looking things...idk how to describe it. My sister brought me like..5 shirts..I think. They are mostly yellow, so I now have enough yellow to last me at least 2 weeks, wearing a different shirt everyday! I'm pretty much set when it comes to that..so I'm going to broaden my color pallet. I bought a few shirts with my birthday money too, one with smurfs and a really really pretty blue one. =] I still can't believe I bought a pair of skinny's..and liked them! They are really cute, but it's hard to get them on/off because they are skinny on the bottom part of your legs...and I have big calfs..thats where the majority of my muscle is. :) Oh, and I went to St. Vincents, lol..and I have gotten two new dresses, both of which are immodest, but not so that I can't buy something to go underneath/over to fix it. lol. One is purple and the other is black. I love them both so much!

Haha..so my summer is finally starting to pick up. I got to spend the day with Travis yesterday..and we had a blast. We went bowling, I'm not very good and i was told that i bowl funny. I guess I do, but, oh well....it works for me..sorta. haha. Mmmk..after that we went to China Harbor, and then back to his house and played xbox. Lol, we were bowling with his Aunt and cousin.....then went to China Harbor where they met up with his other cousin and grandpa. =] I had fun. =] I'm so happy to finally have a job, I've been looking all summer, now I just need to pick up on everything that I'm supposed to learn. I have to go get a Social Security Card because my mom lost mine in her mom's house, so I went to pick up a transcript at ACC, because they can use that to identify me and issue me a new card. I need that ASAP, for my job. We'll probably go down to the office on Monday...and then head over to a bank to see what I need to do to open an account...I've been bugging my parents about that for a while. =]]

Ack, so play practice. I've skipped so much, but I feel like I'm doing well at them and catching on pretty fast. I hate how we don't have mutual, but instead have play practice. It's such a drive from Del Valle and we have to leave 45 minutes early....and then we don't have time to eat dinner because we're driving down there..and then we're in until 9...ugh. Its just not easy to get there at all. Then, a few people make me really feel like I shouldn't be there..and I'm not naming names, but sometimes its better to just help and not try to correct everything that's going on. I'm happy to be a part of this play and I'm very thankful for the oppurtunity, but I'm really frustrated with how the practices are being instituted. It's hard on my family and our gas bill. I don't like giving up my Saturdays...because I love spending that time with my aunt and mom. I don't know how things are working out tomorrow....but I'll figure it out I guess.

-Becky.

A book, A Message, A Thought.

Since, we don't have cable at the moment..I've taken to reading books, of any kind, shape, length, etc. Well, I just finished a book called, "Please Stop Laughing at Me..." and it's about a teenagers plight through being bullied in Middle and High School. Throughout the whole thing I was a bit closed-minded, because I don't necessarily see bullying at Del Valle. This book made me think though, maybe it's because, as the author put it at one point, the bullying doesn't affect me..so i don't care to stop it. I'm not blind, you know..if I see it I would say something or at least reach out to the person. I mean, being popular is something that I never wanted to be a part of, well, at least since I was in elementary school. I hate to be like, the problem is this or that..because of course sometimes kids are just cruel, but I think the more you try to fit in the more you tend to stick out. I tried thinking of a solution to bullying, like what would stop it..but I realized it really can't be stopped, because if you tell someone..it automatically gets worse..if that person gets in trouble, because then your a snitch. I've never had to really worry about it, because I stopped caring about what other people, high schoolers, thought of me. My goal isn't popularity..it's contentment with my friends. Bullying is a serious problem, and I'm definitely going to look out for it, but then the question is i find it..what do I do to stop it? Do I....just be a friend to the victim or take more action to stop it. I think I'll choose the former..because it's the only logical thing to do. I have friends that I knwo are there for me, so I'm not worried about what others think of me...I just don't know if I'll have the courage to reach out to someone that I don't know..someone who probably has baggage...and needs help..but as a Daughter of God..aren't I obligated to help and love everyone..to have charity towards all who are in my path? I mean, I have to do it, if I want to say that I'm truly a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I'm not afraid of it, I just don't knw if i will be able to help someone who is truly a victim. I guess we'll see how next year goes.

I still don't have a job..Ugh...prayers would make me grateful.

Job Hunting Stinks.

I've applied so many places I think that my name is plastered with a sign of some kind saying, DO NOT HIRE. I guess I started the job hunt to late in the game, I mean, I know I'm being blessed for going to Girl's Camp and whatnot, but I haven't found a job yet and I've been looking for about two weeks, that's about 20 applications and I've had no call backs yet. I'm starting to loose faith in myself, I mean, I don't look that good on an application..and no one really asks for a resume. I'm just getting so stressed because I made a deal with my grandma that I would pay my bill when I got a job, but she'd pay it until then. I don't want her to pay my phone bill..I mean..it's my bill. I'm just getting frustrated with this no job situation...I guess its better that I know now how hard it is to get a job at the entry level without a high school diploma! I'm going to college..b/c it has to be easier if you have a college degree!! lol. I'm just freaking out..but thats the basic update of my summer. I need to go down to ACC and have a hold on my account taken off..but i haven't yet..b/c i needa register for classes. Ucky..I don't wanna go to school yet.

That basically it. =]
Much love,
-Becky

Girl's Camp.

I decided I needed to post a blog about Girl's Camp, I learned so much and feel so much closer to Heavenly Father after Camp. For me, I feel like camp started on the Saturday before, with our ward Temple Trip. It was a very great experience and it helped me prepare and open my heart to the message that we would be teaching at Girl's Camp, as JC's. I was lucky enough, to be paired with one of my best friends, Stephy, and Irene, of whom I didn't know very well. I feel like we really made a difference in the lives of our girls...just because we spoke from our hearts and not so much from what we thought was appropriate. Of course, we planned some, but when the Spirit prompted we allowed it to take over, it taught me so much about Heavenly Father's path and it's importance in our lives today. I really hope that I can go to camp next year, I'm really not sure of my schedule next year, but I know that I want to go to camp, it's like a refresher and it makes me remember why I live my life and where I'm going. I really looked up to the third year JC's, especially Angela and Natalie, they were so resilient and I feel like it really strengthen my testimony to have them as my leaders. Angela gave a really great devotional that made me think of the scriptures differently. She said that the word, "Blessed" isn't the same as the past tensed form of blessed..and it really made me think..and she said it literally means "joy"..and then someone read a scripture that said, "Blessed be the name of Christ" or something, and it made me think of the Sacrament prayer that says that we take upon the name of Christ through our baptismal covenants..and it really made me realize that those covenants are because Heavenly Father wants us to be joyful. I think so many times I forget that the church isn't just rules..that's it's the way we live..that it's our future. I'm so grateful for that devotional it really touched me...as did camp as a whole. It helped my testimony grow and be strengthened...and I know it was a lot of factors..

I guess to give an overview of my week at camp, the first day, Monday, all the JC's, minus the JC's over fourth years, were at camp. We were able to set up our tents and then we sort of went to work..unloading the trucks and putting cots up in the tents. We were so lucky that we didn't have to put the cots together this year. I was really grateful for that. Then we all went swimming, did some sun bathing, etc. It was a pretty relaxing day...then on Tuesday all of our girls started arriving and that was when the real fun began. It's all running together a bit, but I loved my girls in third year so much. I am so thankful for my ward and stake leaders, they all worked so hard and I know that it was made possible by then. I'll skip up to the return of the Fourth Years, wow..it was so cool to see them all back. Ema hurt her ankle..hopefully it's not broken or anything, because she is so active. I really love my ward girls so much and they are such sweet spirits, if only they were louder about them. On Friday Night the Bishops came down and Bishop McCullough brought us each bracelets that have this years theme. It was a really cool time. Then the fireside was on Cleaving to our Covenants, I really enjoyed it. Oh, the workshop was really good. I really was touched by the message of "feasting upon the scriptures". I'm also glad that Sister Wallace could make it to camp for a few days! But anyway..and then Saturday Morning was amazing. The spirit was so strong and so amazing. I cried so much, but it wasn't a bad cry. I love the spirit and I love the atmosphere of camp, I really miss it when I get home..because let's face it my house isn't an ideal place for the spirit..

Anyway..I feel like I grew closer to Ema, Lakrea, and Irene this year..along with Torie and Taylor and the majority of my ward this year. I learned so much about them and am so happy that I shared a ward with them. They are my ward family and it's great to go and feel loved and welcome there. I know that we all have problems with eachother sometimes, but I know that Heavenly Father doesn't want that. I feel like, even after a year, the wounds from last summer aren't fully healed. It makes me so sad to see that...I was approached by two girls that weren't involved, because they realized the hostility. It makes me so sad..and I'm trying my best to make amends..but I know that everything happens for a reason and that Heavenly Father will guide my footsteps in the right path in order to fix it.

Wow, this is getting long. I had so much fun. My Birthday is tomorrow..and I'll be 17..I don't feel 17..and I'm kind of scared. I don't want to grow up. I'm going to be a senior..I'm a legal adult..it's insane and scary!! I got my gift early, it's a black IPOD, it's an 8GB. I'm excited, but I don't even have a GB of music yet..and I couldn't figure out how to put pictures on it..I'm going to have Travis help me. =]]

I love you guys.
comment please!
-Becky.

School's Out for SUMMER! [[almost]]

Only two days left of school, and I'm feeling great! I passed Pre-Calculus, with the lowest grade I've ever received for a class...a 72. I'm really proud of myself...I passed the final, but I'm almost certain that he passed me, but either way..I passed...and to make things better, my GPA won't suffer that much, if so..it's still an A...which isn't too bad. lol. I'm proud of myself. I keep saying that, but I pretty much had a meltdown on Friday..because I was almost positive that I would fail...and yeah..total meltdown mode..I was crying..and it was so awful..thankfully travis was like.."you'll pass and you totally know it." lol. I'm thankful he was there..so I wasn't walking around by myself. All my hard finals are over, thankfully. I was only worried about my Pre Calculus final...and it's over, it was like relief..ugh. I'm happy.

Tomorrow, I have German and Ready Set Teach..and I'm not worried about either of them. Well, for German all we had to do was a "Cultural Project", which basically consisted of a written paper on the food choice, plus a recipe..and then the "physical evidence." We're pretty much going to chill in there tomorrow...and eat..and..talk..and try and save our plates from the big guys. =]] I made Schnitzel, it is yummy. I made them over at Travis's, because my kitchen was taken over by Beth..who made Brötchens. [hard rolls] It was weird cooking in someone else's kitchen..I'm used to cast iron, so it was odd for me to use the copper-bottom pan. It was so weird..and it didn't help that I'm still shy around his family. lol. I did finally get to talk to Kayla, about debate. She said I should check out Louisville, said that they were offering scholarships still. I probably will...at least then I'll know someone at the school...and won't be in some huge new arena of people. I sent my SAT scores there, but I don't know think they were very impressive. I got a 1690 on the new SAT..so it was pretty average. My essay scored a 12, which is perfect! [no joke!] My grades should look a bit better to them. lol..plus I have debate.

Looks like the trip to Stanford isn't going to happen, because they changed the deadline on the grant to January..so we have time to "perfect" our appeals and stuff. We are still probably going to Sweden! I am really excited about that, of course it's only if everything comes through. I don't know, how long does it take to get a passport, Mr. Cunningham said it took about a year..so I guess I need to start applying. And I need to start picking out colleges that I'm serious about. I'm going to start my essays this summer at some point, but I don't know what I'm going to write about. lol. I am a beast at essays, [as seen in my SAT essay] but I'm not really good at personal narratives....I can't seem to write about myself..because I'm really not that interesting. Okay, I'm totally contradicting myself..because this blog is about me..but it's different because it's not being judge by anyone. [and if it is..too bad for you!]

I'm sooo excited for Girl's Camp. I'm just..ugh!!! Excited. Excited. Excited. =] I'm JCing over third years and we have 11 girls. =] I'm just so happy to be going to camp. It's like..a refresher for the year. Plus, we have a temple trip on Saturday, it's going to be amazing. I'm so so so so looking forward to it. I love Camp!

That's it really!
-Becky

Memorial Day Weekend!

So, yesterday I spent my day with Travis and his family..and his cousins apartment. The apartments had a pool, so we spent most of the day down there. It was pretty fun, his younger step sister and cousin ask the weirdest questions ever..they were totally inappropriate..it made Travis and his step brother mad..but I think I handled them pretty well. lol. They were both [the girls]
pretty sweet when they weren't together, otherwise they spent all their time trying to impress the other..so it was just..crazy. I don't really know how to swim well..so Travis was trying to teach me some..I can swim, don't get me wrong, but I'm not very good at it. I still smell like chlorine, even after my shower. They had a lot of chlorine in that pool..but it was still fun. They had barbecued hot dogs and hamburgers..so we ate that..and then they played Rock Band, I didn't play..becuase I'm not particularly good at those kind of games, i kind of wish I'd have played though. Next time though..right..? We went back to Travis's house..and hung around a bit..then Travis made dinner..mmm...it was yummy...he made pork chops, fried zucchini...=]]. It was so good. lol. Then they took me home..because it was getting pretty late. lol. It was soo much fun...and I'm really glad that I got invited to go. Otherwise I'd have been at the house all day, more then likely watching TV in my pajamas and eating a bunch of junk. It's so hot outside..and I wish I could go and swim again! I can't believe how hot it is already...it's only the end of May!?!? But anyways, Travis is all sunburned, really bad..I don't get it because he wore more sunblock then I did..but he was a lot whiter then me. I got a tan!!! =]]]]] I'll keep trying for one all summer...I think.

I'm really tired of make up..I would stop wearing it..but it makes me feel pretty. I guess that's pretty ridiculous..because I'm 16..and according to my mom.."you don't even need it". lol. I think I'll wear it this summer, but not everyday..it gets old pretty fast. The thing I hate about summer is having to shave my legs!!! Ugh..it's so annoying..I'm only doing it like..every 3 days..i don't care about what other people think..lol.

My Debate coach was talking to us today about a grant that we may be getting that is going to pay for 2 teams to go to Sanford Univerisity and debate at the tournament..for free..and then we might get to fly out to Sweden right after my graduation. I'm really excited, but kind of..not..because if we don't get it then I don't want to be too disappointed. I'm going to be ecstatic if we get to go...but I'm not holding my breath until it happens.

That's all I have really..
I'll blog more later!
-Becky

Growing up..

I think it's crazy when you hear about students from your high school committing crimes that are really serious. If you read this article then you can find out exactly what happened, but anyway...for me it's weird to see these students referred to as men, because they are hardly men..none of them have graduated, yet. It just seems so odd for these kids to have done something like this. From my understanding, they were all athletes and all of them were attending college..one I know for sure had received a full scholarship..and now all of that is gone..because they decided to be stupid for one night. I mean, I guess for me it really hits home..you shouldn't do stupid things and expect not to get caught. I am just so shocked...like..I'm not kidding. These kids graduate in a week..and all of them had bright futures...I don't even know what to think. It's insane..that's all I can say. It's weird how they are "men" now...you know? I mean, I'm turning seventeen..but I guess when you do something wrong you have made an "adult" decision, but this decision isn't really adult at all..it's juvenile and ignorant and..just something wayy out there. I think all but one were bailed, but I'm pretty sure that my parents would have been like..you got yourself in..get yourself out! Not that I would do something, but it makes you think about stuff like that..you know? Like..what if I play stupid, what consequences would that have on my future? Wow. I'm just..dang. I think it made a lot of students realize how serious the consequences a "bit of fun" could have. Maybe they should redefine what they think "fun" is..because sitting in jail....and loosing a future..is not fun at all. I think that goes all the way around, fun isn't what it used to be, suddenly it's fun to destroy the property of others and play violent video games or party until you can't remember what you've done. I'm sitting here like..it's not fun to do those things, it's more fun, in reality..to be around the people that make you most happy..to be with friends and play board games, watch movies, shop, hang out..do whatever..you know? I guess I'm speaking from a minority of students..but I am looking at my long term now.

Besides my rant on how ignorant people are, schools going okay, I need to get my Pre Calculus grade up, because I haven't been doing my homework..and I need to focus a bit more on my studies..and I'm going to start working out..b/c I realized how out of shape I am today..in debate..we went outside to read..on the bleachers..at the top..and when I got to the top..I was out of breath for a while. Travis and I are planning to go running at least 3 times a week this summer. I wonder how that'll turn out. =]] Apparently, running expands your lungs...and if your lungs have more capacity..then you can speak faster. =]] haha..that's probably true..but it's good to be in shape..you know..we do have to lug huge boxes of evidence around..up and down stairs...etc. LOL!

And finally..I don't really remember what this point was going to be about. Oh..now I do..does anyone know of a place that I can have a flexible work schedule..and that I get to work with kids as my summer job? i'm really interested if you know of anywhere that may be hiring for the summer. Cmt if you do!

Thanks!
Becky!!!

An Ode to Mothers'...and other. =]]]

So, this post is majorly dedicated to mothers. I really am looking forward to the day that I become a mother, but like I said in YW today, I have plenty of time before I know that this is going to happen. I have no interest in becoming a mother within the next five years. Everyone was telling me that you never know, but I do know that I'm not ready yet..and I'm not going to become a wife and mother until the day I feel ready.

Got a little off course, but as we sang in Relief Society today, "we learned how to love dear mother from you". Today made me reflect on how much mom's and mothers teach their kids and how much they impact their children and other peoples children's lives. The Bishop also spoke on this and it really made me realize the impact and the sacredness that comes with motherhood. It was testimony to me..that while some people don't understand a mother's role in the church, or a womens, but we have the divine power to control and teach and love children. I am looking forward to developing my skills and learning what children need in order to grow. I know, in theory how parenthood is, but I am so excited for the future and for the skills I'll be able to develop until then! Again, I'm off course here, well, I guess the whole point of this was to say Thank You, to all the mothers or mother figures out that have affect my life, or the people around me's life. Most teenagers feel pretty awkward about Mothers' Day because we don't know where we fit in this equation, yes, we celebrate our mothers', but its just a little awkward..idk. It might be the whole teenager thing. But, this is a Thank you to all Mom's. =]] Or, to be more colloquial, all women who have ever impacted the life of a child, positively. =]

Now that that's off my mind a bit, I just wanted to post about what I'm going to be up to in the next week. I'm taking the Englsih Literature AP Test on Wednesday and am going to be competing in the Speak Up, Speak Out contest, I believe it's at UT..and so I'm not sure if I'll be at mutual..but I hope I don't miss anything. I'm really sad to see so many in our ward moving away, it's like a mass...i don't know the word..but like..migration? to somewhere else. =[[ I know it's important to move on in life and that I'll be getting ready to leave for college next year, but geez..it's all happening so fast. Ack, that makes me not want to leave home..and go to college. I don't know where I'm going to school yet..I need to do research.
Later!
-Becky

Skipping Prom..and other Saturday Adventures...

I have yet to find out whether prom last night was a lot of fun or not. The reason Juniors get to go is because the Junior Class presents the Senior Class with prom. I didn't go because my boyfriend didn't want to. He did take me to Mormon Prom and he had a really grand time. I don't know whether or not I wanted to go to school prom. I have next year and its all a bunch of rap and hip hop music anyway..right? Plus, I'd much rather babysit..=]]]. [I promise that that wasn't said out of sarcasm.] No kidding, little kids are way more fun then a bunch of teenagers at a prom..with the reputations and..the stupidity..and all that. I think I enjoy those simpler things. Plus, it means more as a senior..I know I talked to some and they said they regretted not going to their Junior Prom, but I don't, I mean..it's not that big of a deal really..is it? lol.

Well, yesterday I was supposed to go bowling with Travis and his mom, but the bowling alley was doing tournaments all day so..we actually went to Wal Mart to pick up presents for his family and for Mothers' Day. [from them..not me. =]]] ] It was kind of fun..in some odd way, you know as fun as running errands can be. Then we dropped them off at their house and they rushed me home because we were running behind schedule. I have to say, it was fun...it some out of this world way..but yeah..I said "hi" to Kayla and the rest of the fam..and then I was on my way.

Hmm..so I'll probably wind up studying today..after making dinner for my mom and wishing her a happy mother's day. =]] I have my last AP test, the english language one. i had a horrible nightmare about the test..last night. I think it's just me being crazy..because we're seated in alpha order and Mr. Conrardy walks around like a madman..so there isn't a way that we can even be in the situation presented on the test. For that, I'm so thankful. I don't know if it was the AP test or the ACT, but whatever. I'm not worried. Optimism. =]] According to my English Teacher I'm expected to pass...so I'll take her word for it..brush up on my literary terms..and be done with it.

Travis's birthday is on Tuesday..and I don't know what to buy for him. I'm kind of lost, should I buy him a shirt..or what? I mean, I've done that already..so it seems lame to me. I didn't think I'd stress this much. I want him to tell me so that i don't stress..it kills me...aghhh..so any advice. I only have 13.50 to spend, plus my Monday lunch money..so about 15 dollars! lol. =]] That's enough.
Thanks.

Stress...

I think I realized why you shouldn't be a pessimist today...and it was really a "duh" moment for me. I never realized the effect that you have on people when you aren't looking to the bright side. I guess I really gained my testimony of optimism. For the last couple of days, I've been looking forward to the AP tests, that's crazy right? I mean..why look forward to a 3 and half hour test..that basically measures how much I learned in any given year. As I was being optimistic, my knowledge and my abilities seemed to expand, because I wasn't downing myself. I know I can take this test and pass it. I adopted, Mrs. McComb's motto..don't complain because it brings others down and I keep telling myself that I need to do my very best..and not worry about the things I can't do anymore. It's so strange..because I feel better about how I'm going to do on the test. Well, anyway..back to the story, today I stayed after school with some kids to prepare for the test, I'm confident, but not arrogant, I know I need to study too...but anyway..one of my friends, well..I'm kind of upset with him now..and I know he's mad at me..he had a really bad attitude. I felt kind of bad for doing well..and it really brought me down and frustrated me. Like, we started going over flashcards and I was answering and like..all this stuff you know..and he got all annoyed that I was doing well...and it made me feel bad for doing well..and it made me kind of mad, because I was willing to help him and I know that he will do good on this test..and it totally ruined the experience for me. I really learned this week, that optimism is not just for your own benefit, even though it helps so much, it's for the benefit of people around you...because if you are always looking to the bright side you are less likely to find the flaws in the way your life is going. =]] I know Heavenly Father wants us to be optimists and to count our blessings, because it's part of being grateful and it's easier to show your love for others if you have an optimistic outlook on life. If we are always complaining, then we usually forget to count the blessings we have and then we think that we have to live this life by ourselves..when in fact we don't. We live everyday with a constant and loving Heavenly Father, who looks for ways to bless our lives. If you are grateful, more blessings come to you. Be Optimistic. =]]]]]

Anyways..I'm just getting my thoughts out before I have to focus on some studying that I'm going to be doing just for preparations sake. I like to be prepared. =]]]
Wish me luck on my test!!!
-Becky

The Cycle of School..

They were talking about this the other day..and it made me think about who much I like the rhythm of school. You know, the slow start..and then the two weeks of intense testing..followed by a break and then another start of gearing up for the tests. It happens in almost all parts of academia, including college. I guess it made me think about how prepared and how much I like the rhythm. If it weren't there I would see the point of working hard. I guess I'm kind of weird, because I actually like to go to school and learn. While, I don't always learn, I like that I'm given this kind of pattern to follow. I'm not looking forward to these tests, but I know that I will do my very best on them. I took my SAT yesterday..and I was surprised at how easy the test was. Okay, so maybe I'm jumping the gun, but when I say easy, I mean that I finished with 5 minutes to go on every section of the test, including the essay. Is that to say that I'm not nervous about my score, the answer is no? I in fact, think that because I thought it was so not hard..that I'm probably going to get a score that is really really low. I also noticed that no one else finished as quickly as me, so maybe I'm just weird and totally missed something..that everyone else knew? I do know that I nailed my essay!! Who knew that...AP Classes actually prepared you for the SAT?!?

Anyways...on the other hand, I have five days, counting today, to study/review material for the APUSH exam. I'm really not super worried, I scored well on the Mock, but on the other hand..I am, because this test is what proves what I have/have not learned in this course. Okay, so maybe it doesn't prove that, because I know I have learned a lot from this course...and overall I'd do it all again if I could. Anyways, wish me luck on my studying endeavors..and on my study group for tomorrow..I am still putting it together..off to call people.

Later folks!
-Becky

The Secret to TAKS Success..

So this isn't just a blog about TAKS, but eh..it's what my life will consist of for the next 2 days. TAKS and preparation for AP are in the two week forecast. I still can't believe my junior year is coming to an end. I was almost positive that it would take longer for me to be a senior and even LONGER for me to be graduating from High School. It's all in an arm's reach and it's exhilarating and scary..all rolled up into some random bout of feeling. I've learned so much this year..and I'm so not happy about taking my AP tests. I did decently on the Mock AP test in History..but we're not having our Mock English exam until the 6th. This Monday, we're hoping to form a study group for the AP US History or APUSH, exam. Mr. Tansil, (AKA Tansil) is trying like mad to finish up anything we haven't covered. I'm really nervous...because I thought I knew history..and then they hand me a test..and I only get 32 right. I mean, that's decent and mixed with 5's on the essays will get me a 3 overall, but I want higher for myself. I am shooting for 50 correct on the test, missing only 25 and leaving 5 blank. Then...getting at least a 6 on every essay. I hope I can do it. I mean, I have a lot of studying to do in the next week and a half. I'm bring my text book with me to study after TAKS..and probably my notes. I don't know if that's allowed, but I'm doing it anyway!!!!!

As for TAKS, I realized today that it's a joke in comparison to the AP test. It really is just a thorn in my side right now. I would have 3 more days of Preparation for the AP exam if they'd have put TAKS at some other time. Tomorrow is the science exam, I may go over some vocabulary, just to be fresh..but that's about it. Then I have history, which is truly a joke. I'll be done by 10. No one can make that test last all day..and no one should fail it. It's about 5 pages of notes..and I'll probably review that tomorrow night. Today was the math, I suck at math, but I'm really not worried about this test. I did fairly well on it..we had a GRAPHING calculator, which made everything ten times easier. Some of the geometry caught me off guard, but it was nothing my brain couldn't handle.

Wow..so now I'm back to my SAT worries. I take it on Saturday and I don't have any practice tests. I think I'm going insane. I know in theory what should be on the test, but I'd like to have a practice test and some study material. Ugh. I'll ask Chi to bring me some tomorrow, since we have the same testing site, it shouldn't be a problem. I'm taking my test at Travis High School...Del Valle wasn't available. It sucks, but I'm hoping to score at least an 1800 my first time. I'll take it again around October and hopefully will be able to score about 2250. The composite it should be alright. I take the ACT in June, so no worries about that yet. I'll probably buy my book sometime after the AP tests...I'm banking on at least a 30. I want at least a 30...but I'll settle for a 28. Maybe I'm overshooting..but I'd rather overshoot and fall short..on something average..then shoot for average and land below. Alright..I have to make my study schedule soon. Here's how I'm thinking it'll look.

Thursday:
4-6: Regular Homework.
[english and pre calculus.]
6-7: Studying for History.
7-8: Study for English.

it'll be like that on most school nights...I think. I may...change it up a bit..b/c I do need time to eat..and to get home..but you get the general idea. ugh. i think i'm going to go and shower..that sounds really good right now.
later!
-Becky

ljdfl;kjsadfourel.cmasdkf: Code Name for Stress.

Okay, so I'm totally running late to the JC Sleepover and my guess is that Stephy and everyone will be pretty upset, but I'm really really tired and need to sort out everything on my mind. If you read my blog, feel free to comment..I love hearing about what people have to say!

Anyways, today has been really unlucky..just in terms of how things went. It started in German Class, I'm almost positive, third period. We have a substitute..and well..she's this lady who has a masters in German or something. Well, anyways..she is just really really really annoying..and well..the class is reflective of how much she annoys us. Like, she wrote the assignment really really small on the board, because she didn't want us to know that we had one. Then I say it out loud, really loud, because no one really pays attention but me. She gets kind of annoyed, because she says that she's running the class, not me. I'm kind of like.."my grade, my decision". Well, anyway, the class basically has no respect for her because she goes through the worksheet, because she wants to "teach us something". All she really does, is criticize how everyone pronounces the words..I mean, sure, if it's needed, but it is mean...then she procedes to call us all "idiotische" or idiotic and then says some really mean stuff in german, assuming that we couldn't understand. I raise my hand at this point, because I'm sitting there quietly, getting annoyed at how she is treating the entire class. So I raise my hand and was going to say something..but she tells me to answer question four, I do..and then I say.."you reap what you sew miss". At this point, she goes off on me, and tells me I have no respect for the German culture and that I'm a disrespectful student that doesn't care about her education. Maybe, I was a bit extreme and rude, but I got really mad..and said..."my grandmother is german, don't tell me that I have no respect for german culture" she got quiet after that because I am german..and I'm not an idiot that would be taken advantage of. We get through the rest of the class without a hitch. She told the class the wrong answers and when I asked her she told me that I was wrong. Oh well, I'll talk to Van Geem on Monday about what happened. I'm also having my parents request that I not have her for a substitute anymore. If she wrote me up, then I guess I'll have to deal with it. I just got tired of her insulting me and the rest of the class. You encourage learning, not insult it. Made me mad...I'm still annoyed be it.

Other then that I've been having Mock AP Exams..and next week is TAKS. I'm testing in Tansil, so I'm pretty excited. =]]]
-Becky

Taco Cabana..and birthdays..

Have you ever realized that a lot of people are born in April, May, and June? I am..and it's starting to grade on my nerves a little. lol. Well, not really, I love birthdays, just not my own, because they aren't as much fun. I'm really not sure why, but anyways..Travis's birthday is coming up soon, May 13, and I'm thinking about getting him midnight tickets to Ironman..which comes out May 2. The only problem is that I don't have any money..and he won't let me not eat lunch for a week to pay for the movie. So..I'm stuck. I could, of course, bum money off of my parents, but they are never ever happy with that...so seriously..is anyone looking for a babysitter...or...well..anything? haha. Just kidding, I think I'll have my parents pay for them..they owe me money anyways. My friend Susan's birthday is on Sunday..and I'm not sure what I'm getting her. She finds out the sex of her baby on June 6th..I was like..wow..you have to call me...and tell me, because that'll be two days after we get out of school. I still can't believe that she is pregnant, well..I guess I can..I see her everyday! I'm excited, but then I realize that this really makes things so much harder for her and Tyler. Gah..abstinence is my best friend..especially in High School! I feel so bad, because people are so mean about it..and ugh..I don't know. I'm supportive, because I don't know what else to be. She knows my standards..I mean..she is one of my closest friends..who am I to judge her on it? lol. I don't know, it's just kind of scary. So..who else?? My mind is blanking..but I'll get back ASAP!

j;alkjfslkdmckjsldfoewrpum. School. Agh! I'm swamped with work and it's already Tuesday. I'm blowing it off to go to the Taco Cabana Fundraiser for Girl's Camp. I tried talking Travis into going, but he said no..because he said it would be weird. lol. I dunno. Maybe a little. =]]] Well..I have to go..I'm already running late. I totally changed clothes..well..into capri's because it's really hot outside!!!
-Becky

Ack!!! I'm back!

I guess I realized how much a blog, or I guess an outlet for frustrations, helped me. I'm starting this up again. I don't really mind having my business out there..and seriously..as long as I don't gain a stalker..I don't mind it. haha. =]]

Anyways, lately..I've been crazy busy with schoolwork. I'm getting so frustrated with the amount of work I'm receiving because I have so much to do already. I can't seem to keep my schedule balanced..if I'm getting good grades, I'm being a bad friend..if I'm keeping up with my friends, my grades suffer. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I feel like I'm not minding my time wisely, but I'm always tired and never seem to get enough sleep. Ugh, I'm hating being a teenager right now..I think I really need summer to come, but even then...I'm going to have ACC classes, hopefully a job, the play, other church responsibilities, plus friends to keep track of..and a so much to do. I don't know how it's going to work out.

I guess when they say Junior year is the most stressful, they mean it! I've never done so poorly in math in my life..I just can't seem to keep up with the work, when I get something, he makes it more complicated. I have to take my AP tests early next month, I'm taking the SAT in 2 weeks..and still haven't started studying for it yet. I have my ACT, thankfully in June..but it's right after Girl's Camp and right before my birthday and I don't know how well I'm going to be prepared for it. I can say that I'm happy with my class rank, but my parents are wanting me to be higher. I'm 12th, but everyone is so "you should be top ten" and "your sister is higher then you". I don't care about the competition anymore, but it gets frustrating to be compared to my sister, okay, so I don't have as good of grades, does that somehow make me less intelligent?!? I think I'm going to go crazy. haha. No..I'm not, but sometimes I want to throw math text books across the room...not at anyone..just in general...lol. Maybe I do need to chill out a bit. I hate to admit that Travis is right sometimes.

I think I finished writing the best essay of my life in English. It was really good, but I don't know how well it will do when it gets graded. We were supposed to write on whether or not a pathway should be granted for Illegal Immigrants. I took the con side, because..well..I don't really know, because it seemed like a challenge. I'm kind of nervous, because I know the professors are kind of biased to one side, the pro side. I should have thought that out a little better. I mean, I wasn't attacking Illegal Immigration..it was a well-thought out essay, I just think that it's not going to be received well. On the issue itself, I cross-over..I'm actually very open to a pathway for illegal immigrants to become citizens...haha. I don't know how or why I wrote that paper, just so I understood both sides better I guess. I can argue both, something I picked up in debate. No need to argue about it though. =]]

This is getting kind of long, but I wanted to write about Mormon Prom. lol. Travis really had a good time..and I'm really happy that he did. He liked it, because the music wasn't all rap/hip hop, not that it ever is, but he liked it a lot. It really surprised me that he could dance. I was like..wow! haha. He doesn't want to go to school prom, which I'm kind of bummed out about, but it's okay. I mean, tickets are $80..and..I'm broke..and I'm not going to let him pay for me..that's too much! lol. I'm going to upload some pictures so y'all can see. =]

Me and Travis..afterwards.
This picture is really sweet.

Stephy, me, Travis, Beth, Isaiah, Jouvens!

Before we actually danced.

The formal picture.

Us with Sister Toler!

The dance was so much fun! lol. I can't wait until next year. I believe that Austin Oak Hill's Stake is hosting. I wonder if we're going to include the Kyle Stake next year. I hope so..there are a lot of people that I'll really miss if they don't. I'm really excited that Jazzi is going to come to camp with us..because she's "technically" homeless until her house is finished. She's moving to Buda..it's closer to me..which is funny..haha. She lives really close to Travis. =] haha. It's kind of funny. She's going to go to Hays High School, Del Valle's rivals. It's hilarious. I'm hanging out with her at Football games! Anyways..that's all really. Enjoy the pictures!
-Becky

Goodbye to the Bloggerhood?

My time with blogging has been fun, but after a talk with my parents and deep reflection..I've come to realize that these blogs are public, therefore anyone can read this and potentially hurt me. In some ways, I feel safer on myspace, because i really do control who can/can't read my blogs with easy to use privacy settings..and what have you...so I guess this is goodbye to the bloggerhood.

If you want to keep track of my life's ramblings, you all know how to get in touch with me, if not then..you probably don't know me...and if you still don't know how but know me, talk to me in person..and we'll get to the end of it.

It's been great..
but this is goodbye!

Woot.
I'm out.

-Becky