Crazy Insomniac.

I'm having a hard time sleeping lately, so I usually just lay here, but now I think I've finally worn myself out. I'm glad for that. I've just been thinking about a lot of things that are happening...and I'm just overwhelmed.

I can't believe I'm graduating...I also can't believe that my Dad isn't here to see it. Like, the saddest part is that I really can't hear how proud he is of me, for accomplishing my goals. I'm so grateful that my Dad's dad is here, he makes me think of my Dad and I just feel like he would know what would make my dad proud. Ugh, I hate how unfair life is. Like, why do some people have their entire families around them and have never felt the same loss as I have? Why can't my Dad be here, when I need him. I hate to say, but I'm kind of angry with God, my Dad was young, why did he have to go? That's immature, right? But at the same time, I can't help it. I mean, logically I know that God had a reason to call my Dad home. He had a reason to take him, He had more important things to do in Heaven. That last one is what gets me, it really does...I mean, what is more important then being there for your children? I guess, I don't have that understanding, but it really bothers me that I won't ever fully understand my Dad's reason for leaving me..when he was needed. I mean, that's a pretty earthly mindset, but I am here, on Earth and I'm bitter. I want my Dad, he was my DAD. Travis got mad at me for saying this, he said that God knows what he's doing..and that I have good and solid memories with my Dad, but I'll never have that adult relationship with him, not on Earth anyway. It just makes me so angry.

I recently started playing Fable 2 on xbox..and I'm obsessed. :) I am totally into RPG's. I've tried First Person Shooters and everything, but I really enjoy Fable. It's amazing.

Like, (from above) Don't get me wrong, I love my Heavenly Father, but I just don't understand His reasoning..and I know I don't have to, but it bothers me. I'm also very grateful that I'm graduating. I'm so relieved to get out of High School. It's overrated.

Well...Later.
:)
-Becky